I don't know about you Adam, but this is a-- a second chance. [ he's not one to believe in those, not with how life has treated him and those he loves. but he has to say it, has to believe it for adam's sake. and because he wants it to be one. ]
So you can waste it being angry at me, and call me up as many times with these tantrums, but eventually you're gonna have to deal with the fact that I'm here, I messed up-- but I'm not gonna do it again.
[A third chance, doesn't he mean? A third chance that's no thanks to Dean or Sam Winchester.
Adam snorts, militant. Dean's still fooling himself, if this is what he thinks, but then Adam's started to see that that's what these people do. He's the only one seeing clearly, and yet he might just be the most hopeless one of all.]
A tantrum, Dean? You want to call you leaving me in there a tantrum? Was what you did in Hell a tantrum, too?
[He doesn't wait for an answer, just carries on like a battering ram.]
You will. Because you walked away. You did. But go on, let's have that talk if you still wanna have it. Tell me you messed up some more, or better yet, that you couldn't save me from myself and you made the right call, that I'm the one who has the problem, I've just got to get over it.
[The "right" call. Adam's sarcasm turns the word into something ugly. They talk so easily about the state of his soul like it's a case of a teenager simply being moody, like growing pains or a family feud, not what it is, which is that the fabric of his whole self is in agony.]
[ alright, so maybe that wasn't the best wording. it has dean cringing some, running a hand over his face as he collects his thoughts. it's been years since he's last dealt with an angry teenager, and honestly he's thinking he's lost his touch... if he had any to begin with. ]
I don't know what you want from me, Adam. I can't change it, and you know that. It ain't fair-- hell, nothing about our lives, past or present, is really fair, but I can't do anything about it. Not yet.
Maybe once... once we figure this mess out, with Wonderland, there'll be another choice.
[ one where adam gets to live and hell is just a bad, distant memory. ]
["None to begin with" sounds about right to Adam, mostly because he's not just some teenager with a chip on his shoulder, he's a human with feelings, he's a person, he's John's flesh and blood who'd been a sacrificial stand-in for the man on the other end of the line. And all the recompense he gets for being treated like something less than human are empty apologies? Insincere apologies?
What had he done to deserve being treated like garbage? It's sat heavy with him ever since the Winchesters' pet angel had told him the reason Sam had left the Cage is because they'd found a way to rescue Sam. No amount of time in Wonderland has lessened the sting of knowing he hadn't been worth enough to make a second pass for.]
I want you to know what you did--or didn't do. You left a person in that place and you just walked away. I was someone, and you don't get to just forget.
[Adam ignores the attempt at offering hope. What's done is done... and Sam and Dean deserve to burn for it. They don't deserve praise, or a happy ending, or a life.]
Did you even try to see if she was okay?
[He doesn't mean to, but before he can help himself the words come flying out of his mouth, hitting closer to home than he would like. He wants Dean to feel the guilt he's earned himself, but walking that line threatens to dredge up every ounce of old pain Adam's still lugging around. This is exactly why he hadn't wanted to have another talk with Dean the first time.]
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Date: 2014-05-14 10:22 pm (UTC)I don't know about you Adam, but this is a-- a second chance. [ he's not one to believe in those, not with how life has treated him and those he loves. but he has to say it, has to believe it for adam's sake. and because he wants it to be one. ]
So you can waste it being angry at me, and call me up as many times with these tantrums, but eventually you're gonna have to deal with the fact that I'm here, I messed up-- but I'm not gonna do it again.
no subject
Date: 2014-05-14 10:47 pm (UTC)Adam snorts, militant. Dean's still fooling himself, if this is what he thinks, but then Adam's started to see that that's what these people do. He's the only one seeing clearly, and yet he might just be the most hopeless one of all.]
A tantrum, Dean? You want to call you leaving me in there a tantrum? Was what you did in Hell a tantrum, too?
[He doesn't wait for an answer, just carries on like a battering ram.]
You will. Because you walked away. You did. But go on, let's have that talk if you still wanna have it. Tell me you messed up some more, or better yet, that you couldn't save me from myself and you made the right call, that I'm the one who has the problem, I've just got to get over it.
[The "right" call. Adam's sarcasm turns the word into something ugly. They talk so easily about the state of his soul like it's a case of a teenager simply being moody, like growing pains or a family feud, not what it is, which is that the fabric of his whole self is in agony.]
no subject
Date: 2014-06-02 06:29 pm (UTC)I don't know what you want from me, Adam. I can't change it, and you know that. It ain't fair-- hell, nothing about our lives, past or present, is really fair, but I can't do anything about it. Not yet.
Maybe once... once we figure this mess out, with Wonderland, there'll be another choice.
[ one where adam gets to live and hell is just a bad, distant memory. ]
no subject
Date: 2014-06-10 05:10 am (UTC)What had he done to deserve being treated like garbage? It's sat heavy with him ever since the Winchesters' pet angel had told him the reason Sam had left the Cage is because they'd found a way to rescue Sam. No amount of time in Wonderland has lessened the sting of knowing he hadn't been worth enough to make a second pass for.]
I want you to know what you did--or didn't do. You left a person in that place and you just walked away. I was someone, and you don't get to just forget.
[Adam ignores the attempt at offering hope. What's done is done... and Sam and Dean deserve to burn for it. They don't deserve praise, or a happy ending, or a life.]
Did you even try to see if she was okay?
[He doesn't mean to, but before he can help himself the words come flying out of his mouth, hitting closer to home than he would like. He wants Dean to feel the guilt he's earned himself, but walking that line threatens to dredge up every ounce of old pain Adam's still lugging around. This is exactly why he hadn't wanted to have another talk with Dean the first time.]