Alive isn't the same as having Gadreel ride shotgun without me knowing it. And it isn't letting Crowley in, too, to fix the problem.
[ He looks up again, eyes bright with the angst of it all, heart heavy from trying and failing to get his brother to understand. ]
I know you've always looked out for me. I just-- That's not living, Dean. Doing anything to keep me breathing isn't for me, it's for you.
[ He'd said it before: you can't stand to be alone. And though he doesn't, can't fault Dean for it when it's more less all the guy's ever known, that isn't stopping Sam from saying it. ]
I don't want that. And you've gotta know, it isn't right. For either of us.
No, you're wrong-- [ no he's not, dean can't stand the idea of not having sam in his life, of knowing his brother is dead. and yet. ] -- it's for both of us.
[ they're a team, right? the winchester brothers, hunters and a partners in all things supernatural. how can any of that work if one half is missing? it's not something dean wants to think about, has him shaking his head to throw the thought. ]
[ Sam knows that nothing is going to change. Not now. He can't make Dean see-- Dean can't make himself see, can't change years and years of hard wiring. The younger Winchester swallows more words of contradiction, of what he believes to be the hard truth, and just drops his gaze again. He'll lie and agree, but he won't do it to his brother's face. Not this time. ]
Alright. [ That's it, the one word of surrender. For now. ] We'll see what happens, I guess.
[ But he wouldn't let another angel or demon jump into his skin. Never again, if he could help it, for any reason. ]
That's all I had to say; now you know everything I do.
[ dean doesn't feel like things are alright. hell, he feels shittier than he did before about the future now, about everything that's going on. this place-- it's not getting any better, and neither is the tension and strain between himself and sam.
a pause, and dean sighs with his question; ]
Are you sure?
[ he has to ask. if only because the last thing he needs is sam coming to him again, explaining to him again how he'd wanted to share more but the timing or whatever had been off. right now he just wants it all on the table, every shitty little detail no matter how bad it might be. ]
I don't want more surprises later.
[ because there will be nothing to prove if it comes down to this again. ]
[ but sometimes it's the only way he wants to say. his lies are always to keep sam safe, not to hurt him. yet it sounds like they end up doing exactly that in the future, because of this gadreel fella, and the trials.
dean still doesn't know what to do. what to promise, if anything. ]
Right.
[ he's turning away from sam then, can't look at him with the endless amounts of defeat rolling from his brother. his voice drops to a grumble. ]
Can tell you one thing; that angel ever shows his face here, I'm endin' him.
Not if I get to him first. [ There's the ghost of a smile present as he raises his eyebrows at Dean, imagining what it'd be like if Gadreel did show up. Sam would recognize him first (after Crowley... Cas, too, maybe) and would, without question, shank the bastard with an angel blade. First, he'd need an angel blade. Details. ] Metatron, too.
[ Crowley, too, Sam thinks. And Lilith. Maybe Ruby. Definitely Dick. ]
We both will. It'll just take time. [ Gadreel's smart, and so is Metatron. They'd have to be careful. ] ... Just as long as there aren't any more casualties.
[ Meaning he can leave, since, really, nothing is good. Sam considers the floor for a long moment, unsure of how exactly to wrap up this less-than-fun conversation. ]
[ soon, right. dean doesn't think he'll seek sam out for a little bit-- he could use the space, put together everything he's finally learned here. and something tells him sam won't either.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
action;
Date: 2014-04-11 11:09 pm (UTC)[ He looks up again, eyes bright with the angst of it all, heart heavy from trying and failing to get his brother to understand. ]
I know you've always looked out for me. I just-- That's not living, Dean. Doing anything to keep me breathing isn't for me, it's for you.
[ He'd said it before: you can't stand to be alone. And though he doesn't, can't fault Dean for it when it's more less all the guy's ever known, that isn't stopping Sam from saying it. ]
I don't want that. And you've gotta know, it isn't right. For either of us.
action;
Date: 2014-04-12 01:12 am (UTC)No, you're wrong-- [ no he's not, dean can't stand the idea of not having sam in his life, of knowing his brother is dead. and yet. ] -- it's for both of us.
[ they're a team, right? the winchester brothers, hunters and a partners in all things supernatural. how can any of that work if one half is missing? it's not something dean wants to think about, has him shaking his head to throw the thought. ]
You're wrong, just-- let me prove that you, man.
[ sorry sam, he ain't hearing you. ]
action;
Date: 2014-04-12 05:22 am (UTC)Alright. [ That's it, the one word of surrender. For now. ] We'll see what happens, I guess.
[ But he wouldn't let another angel or demon jump into his skin. Never again, if he could help it, for any reason. ]
That's all I had to say; now you know everything I do.
action;
Date: 2014-04-12 07:42 am (UTC)a pause, and dean sighs with his question; ]
Are you sure?
[ he has to ask. if only because the last thing he needs is sam coming to him again, explaining to him again how he'd wanted to share more but the timing or whatever had been off. right now he just wants it all on the table, every shitty little detail no matter how bad it might be. ]
I don't want more surprises later.
[ because there will be nothing to prove if it comes down to this again. ]
action;
Date: 2014-04-13 03:00 pm (UTC)[ This time he is being honest, not that it had done him much good. ]
Just-- No more of this make a decision and lie about it crap. It's been too long, dude, and that's never worked out for either of us.
[ Sam's done it too, of course, he would never deny that. ]
action;
Date: 2014-04-14 05:23 am (UTC)dean still doesn't know what to do. what to promise, if anything. ]
Right.
[ he's turning away from sam then, can't look at him with the endless amounts of defeat rolling from his brother. his voice drops to a grumble. ]
Can tell you one thing; that angel ever shows his face here, I'm endin' him.
action;
Date: 2014-04-14 06:20 pm (UTC)action;
Date: 2014-04-14 10:04 pm (UTC)I'm sure we'll-- you'll get them in the end. [ you just have to be around, you know, alive and kicking for that. ]
action;
Date: 2014-04-15 01:33 am (UTC)We both will. It'll just take time. [ Gadreel's smart, and so is Metatron. They'd have to be careful. ] ... Just as long as there aren't any more casualties.
action;
Date: 2014-04-15 05:27 am (UTC)Right, 'course. [ his words don't sound so sure, not when his eyes linger for a second or two on the harsh red skin on the side of sam's face. ]
But listen, if there's nothing else...
[ he'll just escape...pls... ]
action;
Date: 2014-04-16 06:34 pm (UTC)[ Meaning he can leave, since, really, nothing is good. Sam considers the floor for a long moment, unsure of how exactly to wrap up this less-than-fun conversation. ]
I'll see you soon, alright?
action;
Date: 2014-04-16 08:58 pm (UTC)[ soon, right. dean doesn't think he'll seek sam out for a little bit-- he could use the space, put together everything he's finally learned here. and something tells him sam won't either.
but sure. soon.
dean leaves without another word. ]