[ it's true, he had let sam die once already to save the world. but if there's anything that year with lisa and ben had proved to him, it's that he can't have the apple pie life, that he isn't meant for it. that he can't exist knowing his brother is forever stuck in hell while he gets everything the both of them always dreamed of.
it's all so simple now, that he can look back on it.
but i know for a fact that just dying is like a gift--
his fists clench at his sides and the rest of what sam says is a blur, just a mumbled mess of things he doesn't want to hear, never thought he would from sam. it was never meant to get this bad, for their life to take this turn where sam would rather choose death over fighting the good fight. hadn't he been the optimistic one, at some point? what happened?
but never mind that, because dean's lashing out in the next minute, and in the only way he knows how. sam is-- he looks so frail, so defeated, yet it does nothing to stop the fist he sends right in his brother's face.
it's only when his knuckles sting and fire floods his veins that dean manages to bark out the next words. ]
Don't ever say that.
[ any of it. just-- don't.
he doesn't know what he's doing, doesn't know how to handle anything sam is telling him. it's too much and he can't-- deal with this right now. ]
I was fightin' tooth and nail to get back to you, just for you to-- [ want to die. ]
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action; I'M SO SORRY
Date: 2014-04-09 03:06 am (UTC)it's all so simple now, that he can look back on it.
but i know for a fact that just dying is like a gift--
his fists clench at his sides and the rest of what sam says is a blur, just a mumbled mess of things he doesn't want to hear, never thought he would from sam. it was never meant to get this bad, for their life to take this turn where sam would rather choose death over fighting the good fight. hadn't he been the optimistic one, at some point? what happened?
but never mind that, because dean's lashing out in the next minute, and in the only way he knows how. sam is-- he looks so frail, so defeated, yet it does nothing to stop the fist he sends right in his brother's face.
it's only when his knuckles sting and fire floods his veins that dean manages to bark out the next words. ]
Don't ever say that.
[ any of it. just-- don't.
he doesn't know what he's doing, doesn't know how to handle anything sam is telling him. it's too much and he can't-- deal with this right now. ]
I was fightin' tooth and nail to get back to you, just for you to-- [ want to die. ]